No activist has ever said that to me as a pick-up line. Then again, no apolitical charmer has ever asked me what my sign is either. Should that situation ever happen to any left militant, a scientific love profile based on ideology* would come in handy to determine whether or not your dogma is compatible with his/hers’ dogma.
So I made one.
The Communist
Why we love them: As Vanguards of the proletariat and champions for a classless society, Communists are all about uniting and rolling with their motley crew, the workers of the world. It’s cool; they have nothing to lose but their chains.
Make them want you: Drop the books every so often and change the world. You can always interpret it in the process.
Big Shots: Karl Marx, Che Guevara, Pablo Neruda.
The Socialist
Why we love them: Who doesn’t love them? The ultimate social butterflies, Socialists are the life of any party, organizing cooperatives while crushing capitalist structures.
Make them want you: Remember, sharing is caring. Dismantle consumer private property and push for socialized health care, childcare, education and the means of production. Society will increase its productivity and wealth, allowing the masses plenty of time for more intimate and frisky social affairs.
Big Shots: Vladimir Lenin, Albert Einstein, Rosa Luxemburg, the editors of the Monthly Review.
The Feminist
Why we love them: Independent, assertive, sassy and sexy! Aside from being fearless, trailblazing spitfires, Feminists are revolutionary strategists, aware of themselves as works-in-progress, thus taking the super-sisterhood high road along the clumsy highway to emancipation.
Make them want you: Stay in the kitchen. Be honest, to her and to yourself especially if you’re vacillating between patriarchal cowardice and struggling to be the liberated man (liberated from patriarchal cowardice that is). This isn’t just about attracting the Feminist—it’s about doing a tremendous favour to the world, to women and to yourself.
Big Shots: Alexandra Kollontai, Ninotchka Rosca, Simone de Beauvoir.
The Organic Intellectual
Why we love them: Astute in the praxis towards a more conscious society, Organic Intellectuals can easily translate Marx’s Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of the Right, but they have enough humility—and humanity—to sleep on flattened cardboard boxes with striking workers and admit they don’t know everything or anything really.
Make them want you: Eschew elitist cliques, fraternities, sororities and refuse to be a YES person for the status quo. Seek knowledge outside the cushy ivory towers of academia and learn amongst the lower rank of the class divide. Organic Intellectuals know that lower organs (socially and physically) are more exciting than upper organs.
Big Shots: Antonio Gramsci, Carlos Bulosan, Frederick Engels.
The Liberation Theologian
Why we love them: They may not be able to split the Red Sea or raise the dead, but they will die for your sins and for the people.
Make them want you: Love thy neighbour. Ditch mass and Sunday school and actually be with the masses either in the cocoa fields of Brazil or at a battered women’s shelter. Stand up against the Man as David did against Goliath and say your prayers every night (you’re excused from attending church, but God can still see you).
Big Shots: Gustavo Gutierrez, Paulo Freire, Jesus.
The Anarchist
Why we love them: As the extreme sports-nuts of left movements, Anarchists are unpredictable, adrenalized empiricists always ready for a showdown either through direct action or civil disobedience.
Make them want you: Keep up, but keep away. Enjoy the perks that come with political flings (spontaneity and individualism) but lower your red love standards. Anarchists detest systems, government, states and ideologies of any kind and believe that no person truly belongs to anyone.
Big Shots: Pierre Joseph Proudhon, Mikhail Bakunin, Emma Goldman.
*I haven’t covered all progressive doctrines, just some of the biggies.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Red Love Monday: Underground Notes
What Based on the novel by Russian Revolutionary Alexandra Kollontai, Red Love Monday is a rallying point for leftie couples from all over to propagate their love-at-first-sight-moment-at-a-hunger-strike (or wherever political action takes place), while re-affirming their commitment to bring down the Man.
Why Because activists aren’t all mercenary die-hard ideologues. Most, if not all, are romantic softies with big hearts armed with sexy quirks and quibbles. The world must take note of this.
When Mondays. Sometime in morning, Pacific Standard Time.
Who You! The lovely Political Commissars (or if you know of any lovely Political Commissar couples).
How Contact me through my blog and I’ll supply you with instruction. On the subject header, please write Red Love Monday.
A few more notes....
Red Love Monday is NOT a dating site/subsection of this blog. I see no further reason to elaborate;
I am NOT running a backroom operation or ponzi scheme of any kind;
As previously posted, I will NOT be asking what your favourite dirty martini is, what type of lingerie you wear (or not wear), or your favourite sex position. I am not interested in skanky pictures and lewd comments will not be accepted;
Since Red Love Monday is about leftie couples, both parties must be involved in leftie politics. I also have to feature both parties in the profile. It’s all about dissident couplehood.
Interested? Contact me!
Why Because activists aren’t all mercenary die-hard ideologues. Most, if not all, are romantic softies with big hearts armed with sexy quirks and quibbles. The world must take note of this.
When Mondays. Sometime in morning, Pacific Standard Time.
Who You! The lovely Political Commissars (or if you know of any lovely Political Commissar couples).
How Contact me through my blog and I’ll supply you with instruction. On the subject header, please write Red Love Monday.
A few more notes....
Red Love Monday is NOT a dating site/subsection of this blog. I see no further reason to elaborate;
I am NOT running a backroom operation or ponzi scheme of any kind;
As previously posted, I will NOT be asking what your favourite dirty martini is, what type of lingerie you wear (or not wear), or your favourite sex position. I am not interested in skanky pictures and lewd comments will not be accepted;
Since Red Love Monday is about leftie couples, both parties must be involved in leftie politics. I also have to feature both parties in the profile. It’s all about dissident couplehood.
Interested? Contact me!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Props to me, thank you Craigslist
A few days ago I posted a call out on Craigslist for political love stories and here's what some guy (or girl, the voice seems genderless) posted in the politics communities section:
re: political love - whatthef**k????
Date: 2009-09-12, 11:14AM
Char, ... you're a comedienne, right? - cuz your blog is the funniest stuff I've read in a long time. HEY LADEEEEE. you're obviously a smart broad but like uh, are you actually expecting to find a good man from all the slobs that make up the so called "activist" community??? I can see why you would think it would be a good idea for any would be suitor to bone-up (no pun intended) with a solid dissertation on the dialectal comparative dichotomy of Sex-Love (the good kind if your a man) and Class-Love (the Kathy Bates kind that's sure to resonate with all the dickless wonders on the political left). YOU GO GIRL!
(this is so far the most interesting comment, but not what I'm looking for. Sooooo, if you know of any activist couples who want their stories told send them my way!)
re: political love - whatthef**k????
Date: 2009-09-12, 11:14AM
Char, ... you're a comedienne, right? - cuz your blog is the funniest stuff I've read in a long time. HEY LADEEEEE. you're obviously a smart broad but like uh, are you actually expecting to find a good man from all the slobs that make up the so called "activist" community??? I can see why you would think it would be a good idea for any would be suitor to bone-up (no pun intended) with a solid dissertation on the dialectal comparative dichotomy of Sex-Love (the good kind if your a man) and Class-Love (the Kathy Bates kind that's sure to resonate with all the dickless wonders on the political left). YOU GO GIRL!
(this is so far the most interesting comment, but not what I'm looking for. Sooooo, if you know of any activist couples who want their stories told send them my way!)
Friday, September 11, 2009
I want your political love stories
I'm looking to profile activist couples every Monday starting October-ish. If you and your partner are, or if you know of any couples who're smashing imperalism, drop me a line and I'll send the info your way.
This is the working-class version of the "bachelor of the week" or "bachelorette of the week" WITHOUT the skanky pictures and booty-call debauchery. I will NOT be asking if you're a boxer or brief girl or what your favourite sex position is (well, maybe off the record).
This is the working-class version of the "bachelor of the week" or "bachelorette of the week" WITHOUT the skanky pictures and booty-call debauchery. I will NOT be asking if you're a boxer or brief girl or what your favourite sex position is (well, maybe off the record).
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Somethin' new!
Welcome to Dating Politics! For those following my other blog, Under Construction (subject to change), don't worry, I'm still posting (although I haven't been lately) stuff on it--I just wanted to give Dating Politics, a look at love, dating and politics its own platform. Aside from regularly posting, I'll be featuring activist couples every week.
More next time!
More next time!
Conference Etiquette
It’s a known secret among the left that conferences are the mating safaris for activists and social dissidents. Building solidarity is to militants as feathers are to peacocks. But similar world-views and the forte to chant “the people united will never be defeated” in 62 languages doesn’t necessarily produce class love. So if you’re one of the many male activists—from idealistic neophytes to veteran card-carrying comrades-- to have mobilized a dozen or more activist women to march away from your love cause, read carefully the following points—conferences are always in season!
1. Be on time. Unless to you were a) held up at the border/airport by immigration officials; b) boarding the plane this very second because you were on stand-by for a cheaper flight; or c) fulfilling conference-related tasks (shuttling delegates, photocopying, collating info packages, painting banners for the post-conference rally), there’s no excuse for being late. Tardiness reflects your priorities (or lack of), ideological strength (or weakness), respect (or disrespect) for the conference and its organizers, the majority being women. And if that doesn’t help, consider this: we’re serving the people, trying to change the world—and you’re late?
2. Don’t throw your weight around. Be the ultimate featherweight conference champ; don’t campaign your presence like a desperate GOP half-wit (especially if you were late and missed the plenary session). This rule applies to the following:
4. Zip your lip. Fidel Castro holds the record for the longest speech running at 7 hours and 10 minutes. Of all his revolutionary accomplishments, don’t emulate this one. As Chairman Mao noted: “Talks, speeches, articles and resolutions should all be concise and to the point…[and] should not go on too long.” So get off your soap-box, wipe the mic of your spit and learn to finesse your opinions. Remember, it’s all about leaving them wanting more.
1. Be on time. Unless to you were a) held up at the border/airport by immigration officials; b) boarding the plane this very second because you were on stand-by for a cheaper flight; or c) fulfilling conference-related tasks (shuttling delegates, photocopying, collating info packages, painting banners for the post-conference rally), there’s no excuse for being late. Tardiness reflects your priorities (or lack of), ideological strength (or weakness), respect (or disrespect) for the conference and its organizers, the majority being women. And if that doesn’t help, consider this: we’re serving the people, trying to change the world—and you’re late?
2. Don’t throw your weight around. Be the ultimate featherweight conference champ; don’t campaign your presence like a desperate GOP half-wit (especially if you were late and missed the plenary session). This rule applies to the following:
- Don’t boast how long you’ve been a leftie, how many meetings you’ve chaired, how many times you’ve been arrested, your longest hunger strike, how many whales you’ve saved, how much blood you’ve donated. Your actions are noble, but not original. Whatever you’ve done for humanity, a million other activists did it long before you signed your first petition. Don’t take it personally, it’s part of the left territory;
- Don’t brag about how many or what books you’ve read. This is a dead giveaway that you’ve read very little, or worse, that you’ve not understood anything you’ve read. It also assumes that you’re all theory and no practice, the latter generally more favoured with activist women who are keen on applying sex love methods in the context of class love relations;
- During solidarity night, recite ONE poem, or sing ONE song, or do ONE dance. You’ve blessed the mic; tour-jetted across the marley floor; you’re talented; we get it. Now raise your fist on behalf of international solidarity and immediately exit stage left. Short and tight performances will arouse activist women. It’s about leaving them wanting more.
4. Zip your lip. Fidel Castro holds the record for the longest speech running at 7 hours and 10 minutes. Of all his revolutionary accomplishments, don’t emulate this one. As Chairman Mao noted: “Talks, speeches, articles and resolutions should all be concise and to the point…[and] should not go on too long.” So get off your soap-box, wipe the mic of your spit and learn to finesse your opinions. Remember, it’s all about leaving them wanting more.
Sex Love vs. Class Love
Or bourgeois love vs. proletarian love. Or decadent love vs. activist love. Or idealist love vs. materialist love. Any way which way you call it, activists have their own culture, their own language, their own concept of love and how to express it. Here’s a general run-down about the love-ways of activists (class love) in comparison to society’s general attitude towards love (sex love).
Your relationship philosophy is
Sex Love: Metaphysical Hedonism, “Serve me me me me me!”
Class Love: Dialectical Materialism, “Serve the people!”
You met
Sex Love: At a party, in a club, in a bar, online.
Class Love: At a rally, at a conference, in prison, at a picket line.
Your weekends are spent
Sex Love: At a party, in a club, in a bar, at the movies.
Class Love: In meetings, at rallies, at a conference, at a hunger strike.
You resolve arguments by
Sex Love:
Her: Cutting back on shopping, gossiping, and nagging;
Him: Cutting back on sports night with buddies and being more attentive.
(This is after volatile screaming whereby one of you stormed out to “cool off”, got drunk, crawled back home with your tail between your legs and woke up miserable and shit-faced. Your other half smirked I-told-you-so all morning.)
Class Love:
Her: Reaffirming revolutionary proletarian principles and expelling petty bourgeois tendencies;
Him: Reaffirming revolutionary proletarian principles and expelling erroneous patriarchal thinking and sexist tendencies.
(This is after an intensive criticism/self-criticism process where both of you identified the internal and external contradictions of the conflict thus establishing a higher state of unity and a stronger relationship.)
At your wedding, you marched down the aisle to
Sex Love: “Bridal Chorus” by Richard Wagner.
Class Love: “The International” by workers of the world.
(Alright, words by Eugène Pottier and music by Pierre Degeyter-- but the song really does belong to the workers on the principle that workers own nothing and share everything.)
Your wedding vows consisted of
Sex Love: “To love, honour and cherish until death do us part.”
Class Love: “To love and honour you as I love and honour the people, serving them as equal comrades side by side on the long and glorious march to freedom.”
You spent your honeymoon in
Sex Love: Hawaii, Mexico, Jamaica, the South of France, at a party, in a club, in a bar, on the beach.
Class Love: The Middle East, Asia, Africa, at a Human Rights Tribunal, in a refugee camp, at an anti-imperialist gathering, in an international fact-finding mission.
You name your children
Sex Love: Emma/Sophia/Olivia; Aidan/Ethan/Jacob
(Canada’s top baby names for 2007 according to Babycentre.ca)
Class Love: Rosa (as in Luxemburg) / Clara (as in Zetkin) / Gabriela (as in Silang); Karl (as in Marx) / Salvador (as in Allende) / Andres (as in Bonifacio)
(The children upholding mom’s name as their last name, of course.)
For anniversary gifts you give
Sex Love: Silver, paper, China, jewelry
Class Love: Each other, nothing more, nothing less. Or, the latest version (or rare first edition) of the Communist Manifesto, matching political T-shirts, organic hand-woven jewelry, Pablo Neruda’s collection of political poetry.
And finally, He/She is the love of your life because
Sex Love: He/She wants to give you the world.
Class Love: He/She wants to save the world.
Your relationship philosophy is
Sex Love: Metaphysical Hedonism, “Serve me me me me me!”
Class Love: Dialectical Materialism, “Serve the people!”
You met
Sex Love: At a party, in a club, in a bar, online.
Class Love: At a rally, at a conference, in prison, at a picket line.
Your weekends are spent
Sex Love: At a party, in a club, in a bar, at the movies.
Class Love: In meetings, at rallies, at a conference, at a hunger strike.
You resolve arguments by
Sex Love:
Her: Cutting back on shopping, gossiping, and nagging;
Him: Cutting back on sports night with buddies and being more attentive.
(This is after volatile screaming whereby one of you stormed out to “cool off”, got drunk, crawled back home with your tail between your legs and woke up miserable and shit-faced. Your other half smirked I-told-you-so all morning.)
Class Love:
Her: Reaffirming revolutionary proletarian principles and expelling petty bourgeois tendencies;
Him: Reaffirming revolutionary proletarian principles and expelling erroneous patriarchal thinking and sexist tendencies.
(This is after an intensive criticism/self-criticism process where both of you identified the internal and external contradictions of the conflict thus establishing a higher state of unity and a stronger relationship.)
At your wedding, you marched down the aisle to
Sex Love: “Bridal Chorus” by Richard Wagner.
Class Love: “The International” by workers of the world.
(Alright, words by Eugène Pottier and music by Pierre Degeyter-- but the song really does belong to the workers on the principle that workers own nothing and share everything.)
Your wedding vows consisted of
Sex Love: “To love, honour and cherish until death do us part.”
Class Love: “To love and honour you as I love and honour the people, serving them as equal comrades side by side on the long and glorious march to freedom.”
You spent your honeymoon in
Sex Love: Hawaii, Mexico, Jamaica, the South of France, at a party, in a club, in a bar, on the beach.
Class Love: The Middle East, Asia, Africa, at a Human Rights Tribunal, in a refugee camp, at an anti-imperialist gathering, in an international fact-finding mission.
You name your children
Sex Love: Emma/Sophia/Olivia; Aidan/Ethan/Jacob
(Canada’s top baby names for 2007 according to Babycentre.ca)
Class Love: Rosa (as in Luxemburg) / Clara (as in Zetkin) / Gabriela (as in Silang); Karl (as in Marx) / Salvador (as in Allende) / Andres (as in Bonifacio)
(The children upholding mom’s name as their last name, of course.)
For anniversary gifts you give
Sex Love: Silver, paper, China, jewelry
Class Love: Each other, nothing more, nothing less. Or, the latest version (or rare first edition) of the Communist Manifesto, matching political T-shirts, organic hand-woven jewelry, Pablo Neruda’s collection of political poetry.
And finally, He/She is the love of your life because
Sex Love: He/She wants to give you the world.
Class Love: He/She wants to save the world.
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